How to find yourself

How to Find Yourself When You’re Feeling Lost in Life

Resilience Mastery Coach and Motivational Speaker Read full profile

Do you feel like you’re wandering through life with no sense of direction? Are you wondering how to find yourself?

Whether you feel lost yourself in a relationship, a career, a bad habit, or simply feel lost in life in general, you are not alone. All of us feel lost at some point in our lives. And we need time to explore ourselves.

Just because you don’t have a purpose in life doesn’t mean that you’re a failure or that you are incapable of finding your true self through the good and the bad. It just means that you are moving through a messy and beautiful process of transformation.

Put Yourself First

In February of 2017, my entire life was turned upside down. Literally.

A bad motorcycle accident left me with a brain injury. I had “lost” myself 10 years earlier when I fractured my back in a car accident. Doctors told me that I had a traumatic brain injury (TBI) [1] —a disruption in the normal function of the brain that can be caused by a bump, blow, or jolt to the head, or a penetrating head injury. They didn’t know if I would be able to walk again.

But I survived, rehabilitated myself, and kept moving forward with my life. I guess you could say that my “bounce-back-ability” was strong.

Unfortunately, I didn’t do the deep inner work to heal the post-traumatic stress that the accident caused.

The thing about trauma is that it likes to store itself in your body. If you don’t deal with it, it comes back to slap you in the face when you experience an emotion or event that triggers the pain you once felt.

For years, I had tried my best to create distance from the emotions, thoughts, and bodily symptoms that I experienced from my first accident. I wanted to avoid my emotional pain at all costs, so I threw myself back into work and life.

What I didn’t realize is that ignoring bad memories actually makes them worse. Research shows that sometimes when we experience trauma, all of our energy and mental resources turn toward stuffing the memories down into the basement of our awareness. We attempt to avoid reminders and “move on” with life. [2]

I had survived, and I thought that was enough for me. However, this proved to be wrong. Ultimately, I realized that I had to lose myself in order to find myself again.

How did I do it? Through movement, which became my medicine and my therapy.

Because trauma is stored in the body, releasing it must involve the body. By connecting with my body intelligence, I have become more mindful of what my mind, body, and soul need on a daily basis.

I’ve learned how to become a master of my emotions (which is still a work in progress), and even more importantly, I listen to what I need and protect my boundaries.

Losing myself allowed me to get back in touch with my body and come home to myself. I believe that all of us have the power to transform our mess into our message. It starts with embracing vulnerability and having the courage to show up and be seen, even when you have no control over the outcome.

Life is lived in the mess. If you aren’t in the arena, getting your butt kicked from time to time and figuring out how to find myself, you’re not living.

What It Means to Find Yourself

Finding yourself is an unselfish process that is at the heart of everything you do in your life. To become the best version of yourself to the world around you, you need to start by knowing who you are, what you value, and what you need to offer.

It is a personal journey that every individual should take. It involves breaking down the layers that don’t serve you in your life and don’t reflect who you truly are. Apart from that, it also involves a huge act of building up to recognize who you want to become and focusing on fulfilling your destiny.

You need to be open to recognizing your personal power and also be vulnerable to your experience. It is not something that you should avoid or fear. Instead, you should seek it out with the passion and curiosity that you would have toward a new friend.

4 Easy Ways to Find Yourself

More than a million people across the world think that finding themselves is a self-centered goal. However, it’s one of the most unselfish processes that will help you become a better person.

Finding yourself is not difficult as long you know what you need to do and take action. Most people across the world tend to procrastinate when it comes to finding themselves. Yet, this is one of the key determinants of the quality of their lives.

You need to start by making sense of your past. To understand yourself and how you behave the way you do, you need to know your unique story. Being willing to explore your past is one of the best paths to take if you want to understand yourself and the person you want to be.

The attitude and environment that you grew up in greatly affect how you think and behave as an adult.

Early life experiences determine how you see and defend yourself. For instance, being raised by a harsh parent could be making you feel guarded. And this will stop you from trying new challenges as you’ll fear being ridiculed by others.

To break away from this behavioral pattern, you should always be ready to look for self-destructive or self-limiting tendencies.

Another easy way to find yourself is by silencing your critical inner voice and negative thoughts. This destructive process can be a judgmental attitude that tells you how you are not the ideal person to succeed or you don’t deserve the good things in life.

When you recognize and face this huge enemy, you’ll learn how to find your true self and know your abilities and strengths.

If you want to discover who you truly are, you have to be okay with getting lost. Here are 4 simple steps that you can use to heal your inner world and find yourself when you feel lost in life.

1. Unplug to Connect to Yourself

In a society where we are constantly engaged with multiple forms of technology such as social media, it’s easy to feel disconnected from yourself.

Modern technology allows us to connect to anyone in the world whenever we want. It has become a tool through which we can obtain endless amounts of knowledge in a second. Unfortunately, it has also caused us to become more disconnected from ourselves, one another, and life in general.

Computer and communication technology gives us “virtual” reality which means “almost like or very similar to, but not quite the same as.” [3] In this way, technology has become an escape from the realities of life for a long time.

Have you ever done a digital detox for one day, one week, or even one month? Do you feel anxious thinking about it?

Unplugging isn’t just about disconnecting from the digital world. Rather, it’s about spending time on your mental health and focusing on what is important to YOU

I encourage you to make it a daily practice of switching off mentally and emotionally from all forms of technology, even if it’s just for one hour. Remove all distractions and pay attention to your environment and others.

This will help you find the quietness that feels good to you and allows you to go inward in a way that nourishes your mind, body, and soul.

2. Take Big Risks

Get real with yourself: are you playing it too safe right now? Any time that I’ve stayed within the boundaries of my comfort zone for too long, I find myself feeling bored and uninspired.

The biggest reason that so many people are unhappy is that they choose mediocrity over risk. They go with the safe and practical route because they don’t want to shake the boat.

The status quo is a much safer option. In fact, by nature, we seek it out. This idea is supported by advances in brain imaging technology which now verifies that we are wired to be risk-averse. [4]

Unfortunately, playing it safe gets you nowhere. In my experience, this is the quickest way to feel lost in life, and it’s not the way to learn how to find yourself.

If life were always predictable, you would never change. Hence, you would never grow.

Change is the only constant in life. If you aren’t willing to ride the change train, you will get left behind. Being uncomfortable is the only way that we learn who we are and who we are not. That’s how we become the best versions of ourselves.

3. Tune out the Noise and Dream Big

There will always be someone who doesn’t agree with your path in life. No matter what you do or say, there will be opinions and judgments. It’s up to you whether or not you get plugged into them.

People get into trouble when they start allowing other people to dictate the direction of their lives. If you want to learn how to find yourself, don’t let anybody tell you that the things you desire in life are too extravagant or unreachable. Staying true to who you are involves staying in your own lane and defining your own self-worth.

In the words of the late great, Steve Jobs:

“Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

When we begin to suppress our dreams, we take the first step into being comfortable with less than what we really want in life.

Don’t be afraid to take a risk and dream big. The only person that is holding you back is you, so get out of your own way.

Even the most successful in this world were ridiculed for their lofty goals and dreams. Did that stop them? No, and it’s not going to stop you either.

4. Challenge Your Internal Narrative

If you want to change your life and create a healthy relationship with yourself, you’ve got to start challenging your internal narrative. If you are constantly saying, “I’m lost” or “I’m unfixable,” that is exactly what you will continue attracting into your life.

When you feel lost in life, it can be easy to get stuck in a mindset where you allow yourself to be comfortable with things that don’t make you fulfilled. If you fall into the trap of identifying as “lost” for too long, you might find yourself accepting this reality.

I encourage you to recite daily affirmations to remind yourself that your position in life is not permanent. With regards to reducing negative thoughts, affirmations have been shown to help with the tendency to linger on negative experiences for too long. [7]

When you are able to replace negative internal messages with more positive ones, you can create a more empowering narrative about who you are and what you can accomplish.

Try to repeat the following phrase after you wake up tomorrow morning:

“I am not lost. I am on a journey of transformation.”

If this doesn’t resonate with you, make up your own affirmation and repeat it throughout the day whenever you feel lost.

Benefits From Finding Yourself

It can be quite difficult to comprehend how your journey will look like. However, you can try figuring out how you want it to feel. How do you want to feel regularly?

You need to identify all the positive emotions that you want to feel and because they’ll help in guiding you to achieve your goal. Having such a goal in mind will motivate you during the days when you don’t feel like working towards your objective. Keep on keeping on because every day, you are closer to reaching your goals and dreams.

Final Thoughts

No matter how hard life gets, remember that losing yourself doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It means re-evaluating what is important to you.

It’s an opportunity to start a new chapter in your epic life and create whatever you want. Spending time alone and doing what you love is one of the best ways to understand yourself. As Henry David Thoreau said:

“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.”

7 Steps To Find Yourself When You Feel Lost

There was a period in my life when I felt completely lost. I had plenty of responsibilities and endless lists of things that had to be done. But none of these things afforded me any sense of purpose or prolonged joy.

It seemed like I was on a treadmill, doing the same things every day and trying to fill my time with distractions and busy work. I started to feel like a stranger to myself, unsure of what I was meant to do and who I was supposed to be.

The most difficult part of this time was feeling completely powerless to change my situation. I had no idea what I wanted or needed to make things better, and I didn’t have a clue about how to find out.

In retrospect, I recognize that I was in a life transition period, shedding the person I once was while trying to figure out who I was to become. These periods of life can feel very scary and lonely.

Have you ever felt like you are lost and stuck in a rut?

Have you ever felt lost to yourself, like you are a stranger inhabiting your body?

Whether it is in your personal or professional life, if you feel like you are living the wrong life, or that what you are doing each day lacks meaning and authenticity, you are likely to feel lost.

As isolating and lonely as this situation feels, you certainly aren’t alone. Everyone goes through periods of disconnection, uncertainty, and apathy.

It doesn’t mean your life is over if you aren’t sure how to find yourself again. It just means that you are in a transitional phase that you have to work your way out of.

The key to discovering yourself again is to step out of your rut, take action, and work to create a life you love again. Like me, though, you may have no idea how to go about that.

Seven steps on how to find yourself again when you feel lost

1. Don’t fight how you feel.

You can’t create a better life for yourself if you try to ignore or suppress your feelings. Recognize that your feelings are valid, and accept it is time to make a change.

To discover yourself again, you must endure the darkness of going through the transitional period, rather than trying to circumvent it.

It may feel safer to stick with your normal routine and bury your head in the sand, but you will never gain true happiness if you are living a lie.

Self-awareness is always the first step toward change, and to move forward in life, you must be open to examining your feelings.

Being aware of your emotions can reveal a lot about your current life situation and might become a catalyst for a positive change.

2. Remember what you are passionate about.

Can you recall the last time you really enjoyed yourself? Was there ever a time when life felt easy and full of purpose?

These times were satisfying because you were engaging in something you were passionate about.

As time goes by, we forget how much fun life can be because we’re burdened by responsibilities and routines. It’s important to reconnect with your passions in life and take action to make them a part of your routine or even your profession.

Stop telling yourself that you don’t have enough time, money, or resources to follow your passions. Commit to things that you are passionate about and watch your life begin to change for the better.

3. Make a timeline of your life up until this point.

A good way to finding your inner self when you’re feeling lost is to make a timeline of the events that have made up your journey so far. This is a beneficial way to help recognize the periods of your life when you experienced the most happiness.

List any achievements, regrets, and momentous events, including the positive and the negative. Write down everything you can think of.

When you come across a negative experience, think about what you learned from the experience and what you might need to change in your life to prevent this from happening again.

When you are reflecting on the positives, drill down to what felt good about those times, exactly what you were doing, and how these experiences changed you. Ask yourself if there’s something about these past positives that you’d like to revisit now.

4. Stop and listen.

Take pause every day to notice the inspirational signs and messages that might motivate you to act.

Living with digital distractions, short attention spans, and over-packed schedules, we have a hard time slowing down enough to recognize the signs all around us.

Be more present with your surroundings and start paying attention to the details of life — the signs on the road, what you are listening to on the radio, and each person you come in contact with throughout the day.

Be mindful of the guidance around you to help you progress on your path. The key to finding who you are could come to you as a passing thought as you are driving to work or as a casual observation from a friend.

Stop to listen and follow through when you feel inspired.

5. Reconnect with old friends.

People frequently lose touch with friends because they stop putting forth the effort to connect with them on a regular basis.

Reconnect with old contacts you haven’t talked to in a long time to see where their life has taken them and what they are doing to keep themselves fulfilled and happy.

This effort can be especially beneficial if you reach out to a friend from a time in your life when you felt like you knew yourself well.

Fostering those nostalgic feelings of being confident about yourself and your future can help redirect you on the best path.

6. Update your mindset.

We all have beliefs that we’ve embraced over the years that are no longer beneficial to our lives.

For example, having the belief that you don’t have what it takes to create a happy, purposeful life, or believing that you are not worthy of having a great life, are examples of some beliefs that you need to change.

Your state of mind is a power when it comes to your overall happiness and your perception of reality. If you have felt lost for a while, it may be because you are still holding onto certain beliefs that are blocking you and holding you back.

These feelings dictate how you experience your current reality, and if that perceived reality is less your expectations, it is time to update your mindset.

Whether you start saying mantras, using affirmations or meeting with a therapist, updating your mindset is an important part of creating a permanent change and escaping the feeling of being lost.

7. Trust yourself.

You have to learn to trust yourself and the new path you are following, even if you have moments of doubt.

Believe in yourself and realize that you have everything you need in order to flourish. Have faith in your own judgment, wisdom, and intelligence, and other people will have faith in you as well.

It is also important to trust that things can change in an instant. The amazing thing about life is that it never stops evolving.

While you may feel stuck right now, the world around you is constantly transforming, and things can improve for you in an instant.

Often, people get stuck in retelling the story of how difficult life is without realizing that they are perpetuating a cycle of the negativity. However, if you trust that your circumstances can improve in an instant, you open yourself up to seeing opportunities when they present themselves.

Remember that the most valuable relationship you will have in life is the relationship that you have with yourself. Learning to trust your intuition and inner voice will help you go a long way in the process of finding yourself again.

As lost as you may feel right now, do something every day to try to find out who you are and what you want in life. Keep your mind open and pay attention to even the most insignificant opportunities that come your way.

Try to enjoy the process of uncovering your new life rather than resisting this place of transition. Recognize that this is a vital and necessary part of life, and embrace it as a sacred journey.

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